The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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