hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
