Porn is love you can see.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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