not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
