Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize