You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
