no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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