it's too hot outside to masturbate.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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