I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
