bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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