I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
