The brown eye won't let me do that either.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
