i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
