tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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