they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
