The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
