Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
