Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
