She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
