At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
