ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
