...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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