I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
