The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
