the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am available for nakedness
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
