Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Small penises have feelings too.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
