Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
