I think my vagina is haunted
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
