Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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