You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
