i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
