Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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