I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
