So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
