I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
