I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
