Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
