at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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