so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
