"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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