I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
