I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
