i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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