the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
