i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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