I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
