; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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