Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
