Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
pray to the hookup gods
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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