Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
