There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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