So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
