guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
