u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
