I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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