I will die if light touches me.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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