Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
