he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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