Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
