I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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