i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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