I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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