before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
worst night to have a conscience
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
