Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
