im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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