i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize