True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
