I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
organizing the empties. That sober.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
